I love travelling with my family. Each journey is a new experience, no two trips are the same, even if we are going to a familiar destination and have taken that route time and time before.
What I find fascinating is how we prepare for our journey or holidays and the impact that has on events.
Take today for example a 3 hour road trip down the to the coast for a weekend away….
My son wakes really early and is super excited, revved and ready to go. His bags have been packed for 48 hours, not bad for a 6 year old, and he is ready to go despite the fact he isn’t showered, dressed or fed. Mister organised and mister impatient all rolled into one.
My partner is the more slow and steady type and would be the tortoise to my son’s hare (as the old fable by Aesop goes). Everything is methodical, done in sequence and cannot be rushed, despite the best efforts of Mr 6 year old asking repeatedly at regular 5 minute intervals ‘can we go yet, can we go yet’?
And all at once there is tension, as if there is getting ready to go tug of war occurring between the two of them.
And me? Well unfortunately for them, I am the Mrs last minute, hang on I’ll be ready in a second just gotta check my emails, reboot my computer, install this download, have a cup of tea, get dressed, have some breakfast pack my bag and I’ll be with you as soon as I can type.
Now that might seem disorganised but I do have it timed to perfection so there is no rushing and I’m always ready on time. I’ve got the art of travelling light down to a tee. But the fact that I appear so unprepared drives my partner and my boy up the wall. So it’s nag, nag, nag all the way, which I can tell you now is pretty annoying and very distracting.
I guess the lesson there for me is if I don’t want to be hassled by the come on we are going soon police is for me to be ready in advance and be the one waiting for them!
Ironically despite our differing approaches we all are ready and in the car on time. Sometimes we bicker or stress and there is tension in the getting ready and packing phase and sometimes it all falls into place with quite an alarming degree of harmony and synchronisity.
I notice the tension occurs when we allow the demands of others to unsettle us and the harmony when we remain true to what works best for us and give each other the respect and space to get on with it.
From our road trips and travels I realise that what causes the tension is the expectation we have that others should be doing things the same way as we do and in the same time frame. Yet when we accept that we all have our own way, style, rhythm, routine and our own individual process of getting things done it allows others the space and freedom to be who they are and prepare for their journey in their way and in their time.
If we applied this to life and to all the people we interacted with I’m sure there would be a lot less stress, conflict and disagreements and much more understanding and appreciation for each other. There is no right or wrong way, there is only your way, the way that works for you and you have every right to have that honoured and respected even if to others it may seem slightly odd or unusual.
Dr Rachel Hall 
I LOVE this, Rachel. You had me reading to the end and it wasn’t what I expected to read along the way.
How different would life be if we could all realise ‘There is no right or wrong way, there is only your way, the way that works for you and you have every right to have that honoured and respected even if to others it may seem slightly odd or unusual.’
Sure inspires me to look at myself and others in a different light. Thank you!
I love that you enjoyed reading it and feel that it is something you can apply to your life. I really appreciate your comments Judy, thank you
No right or wrong – so true!
I have just remembered the patterns of getting ready to go out in the car I experienced as a child. Mum raced around making sure all was done by the time Dad had said to be ready by, yet he always found other things to do and we used to have to wait in the car until he decided he was ready to go. I hated it all and feel I have to spend time with myself and see how I have taken all this on board and how it influences my own relationship with time now. A huge thank you for presenting this to me, Rachel.
Wow that’s big Judy a lot to reflect on there, thank you for sharing that with us I’m sure many others can relate.
Thank you Rachel – this is a beautiful insight into the way people work together. I especially relate to the ways of others unsettling my own way – and how that has ended in some pretty tense moments – but I love the fact that you can relax and stay true and when THAT happens the harmony is amazing (I enjoyed your use of the word ‘alarming’ though).
I find things go much smoother when I can just let things be and allow others their own space and time to reach the end result in their own way. I apply this to lots of situations like family and work. I find I get less stressed and things flow better.
I shall give that some practical application when my parents help me move house in a couple of weeks… We all know what the outcome is, and we all have different styles in achieving that outcome. However no-one’s way is any better, and no-one’s way is wrong!
Great piece, Rachel. It is surely when ‘the expectation we have that others should be doing things the same way as we do and in the same time frame’, that things go downhill, the harmoney goes out the window and tension rises. It feels great to learn about others who have noticed the same thing happens to them. The awareness that creates leads to an allowing and subsequent change to how I approach situations. Pretty cool :)
Live and let be. Thank you for your comment Suzanne
Expectations are such a killer. We all have different rhythms – respecting those and allowing for them makes a huge difference. The no rushing seems key to me – regardless of how we each approach anything in our day. We all get there in the end…..