Starting The Conversation – International Men’s Day

English: Symbol of the International Men's Day...
Symbol of the International Men’s Day (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

November 19 is International Men’s Day. The aim of which is to highlight mens social and health issues, focusing on improving gender issues and gender equality and highlighting positive male role models. It is a time for men to celebrate themselves and their achievements.

One of the most well-known events surrounding International Men’s day is Movember – where men grow a moustache for the month of November – designed to highlight and bring awareness to mens health issues and in particular prostate cancer.

Yesterday a group of men held and presented an International Men’s Day Conference in Brisbane hosted by Real Media Real Change. The focus of the day was “Starting The Conversation” on men’s health and men’s issues, with presenters from the medical field, universities, education and from all walks of life. Sharing one common goal to bring awareness to the current situation of mens health, depression, suicide rates and to ask men to begin to open up and start asking why the current state of affairs is why it is.

Well I think it would be fair to say that the Conversation is well and truly started. The presenters and the audience were able to honestly share their stories, messages and questions that opened up a dialogue on how it is for  men to be raised in a society that asks them to be tough, strong and hard where if a boy is anything other than this he is consider weak, a cissy, gay or called a girl. This crushes the sensitive and naturally tender boy and tells him to stop being who he is. And those who don’t turn away from themselves and their natural loveliness get beaten up, teased and hounded everyday at school. Society asks boys/men to compete and rewards them for their achievements. This creates friction, competition, anxiety and an inability to really express and freely deal with and open up to how they are feeling. How crushing to not be loved for who you are but what you can do, how tough you are, how good at sport or academic you can be. Is it any wonder so many men turn to alcohol, drugs or sex to deal with and medicate their lives.

Thankfully the conversation is started, as the presenters shared with the utmost honesty and unreservedness how it is for men. The statistics are showing us that depression will soon be our number one illness and our next generation’s life expectancy will be shorter than ours and young men are suiciding every day – yet it is hardly ever reported in the media – and our boys are being educated in a system that rewards them on what they ‘do’ without seeing them for who they are.

This would all be well and good if this way of raising boys was working but the statistics and the aggression or despair in men is showing that it definitely is not.

Statistics tell us that in Australia alone:

  • Suicide is the HIGHEST CAUSE of death for young men (2008).
  • Suicide accounts for 1 in 5 deaths in men aged between 25 and 44 (2008).
  • Men are twice as likely as women to have substance abuse problems.
  • 1 in 2 Australian men will have cancer by the time they are 85.
  • At any one time, 1 in 8 men are experiencing clinical depression.
  • Over half of all Australian men have experienced some sort of mental health condition during their lifetime.
  • 16% of all men NEVER visit the doctor.
  • 1 in 2 men overweight, and 1 in 4 men are obese.
  • Nearly 1 in 3 men who are obese do not recognise that they have a health problem.
  • 1 in 3 men over the age of 40 will have a reproductive health problem.
  • 1 in 2 men have reported to be a victim of violence at least once in their lifetime.
  • 1 in 3 men at any one time are living with live a chronic health condition.

Is it possible to START THE CONVERSATION? The conversation about what’s really going on?

The answer is most adamantly yes.

The incredible men that spoke and presented at the RMRC conference showed as living examples that despite growing up in a society that asked them to be hard and tough that they could and have turned their lives around by connecting to the real man inside that they are. With, and displaying, a  level honesty, sensitivity and tenderness not often witnessed beyond a man holding his baby, these men were willing to come out from behind their brick wall and open up to the loveliness they are and is inside feels true and natural and share that with the audience and in their lives.

It was clear to see that many were deeply touched by what was presented and were ready themselves to start chipping away at their hardened exterior and begin the conversation and start to be open to how they feel and communicating what is happening for them in their lives.

So do we let our men and boys continue on this perpetual merry-go-round and become yet another health statistic or do we start talking, communicating and allow men to open up to their loved ones, partner, family and friends, the doctor about what it is be to be a man and how this affects who they are.

When we are open to discussing our issues without fear of judgement or rejection this can be freeing and healing. Often when dealing with our issues we get to see they are not as consuming and as all dominating as we think they are.

It is time to “Start the Conversation”, to make changes in our own lives, to be responsible for our health and how we raise our boys and how we can parent ourselves to be the role models that say its ok to be tender, sensitive, loving and gentle as after all that is who we are all naturally are.

The time has come for everyone to start the conversation and support our fathers, brothers, male friends and colleagues and all of humanity to open up from behind their defences and just be who they are.


Walk Don’t Run – Be In The Moment

Taking time to be in the moment
Taking time to be in the moment

Years ago I use to run. I’d run in the morning, at lunchtime or in the evening after work. I’d run almost everyday.

I started running not because I liked it but because I was overweight. At first I hated it, I couldn’t breathe, it hurt and I felt like I was going to die. My early runs with my partner had to be carried out in a baggy T-shirt with as few people around as possible and ended with me crying while my partner pushed my along, literally, with their hand in my back.

I hit a point where I started loosing weight and running became easy and I was hooked by the buzzy rush of endorphins, known as runners high.
I ran and ran for miles, through the city streets, along canals and over open moorland and countryside.
I used to count my footsteps up to ten over and over but never took time to appreciate where I was or how my body felt.

I ran like this for 10 years until one morning I couldn’t get into my rhythm, my legs were stiff and my heart rate was flat lining. A voice inside me said “I hate this” so I stopped and walked home and that was the last time I ran.

I didn’t stop exercising though instead I took up walking – this time not because I wanted to be slimmer or keep fit but because I enjoyed it. Unlike running I did not approach it as a form of exercise, weight control or something I did for release to let off steam or de-stress. I did it because I liked to be out in the fresh air, connecting to nature and to myself.

When I ran my mind would be elsewhere, numbing out the pain and the tedium, counting footsteps and not engaging with the world or myself.

With walking I was determined to get the most from each moment so instead of just zoning out, I became intensely aware of everything.
I started by feeling my feet on the ground as they moved, the push of my foot as it rolled across the earth, the rhythm of my breathing, my arms swinging to and fro with each step.

I started noticing the vastness of the sky above me, the variety of trees that I had passed countless times before when I use to run but never seemed to notice. It was like I was really seeing the world around me for the first time. My walks took on a new dimension, something I never really experienced when I was running; I was nourishing not only my body, but my mind and my soul as well.

By walking I was being in the moment, present and aware. A state of being where my mind chatter quietens down and my body and nature speaks louder than my thoughts. An inner calm and stillness descends – giving me the feeling of absolute oneness with myself and all around me. A feeling that I know as being consciously present where my mind and body are focused on the moment.

It’s a state of being we all seem to want but we often forget to put the effort into really achieving it. It’s not until we are forced to face our mortality, or the mortality of a loved one, that we truly begin to understand the value of our time in a new and powerful way. Suddenly we feel an urgent need to really live each moment, to be in each moment to be fully present with and in all that we do.

We all know the saying time flies. And each year it seems to get faster and faster. So why wait until a life crisis hits to value and appreciate the time we have? Why waste another moment not being in the moment and reaping the benefits of presence and connection. Benefits that allow you to feel more at ease and in control of yourself.

Try it right now. Commit to what you’re currently doing with full attention for the next hour or so. Focus yourself in a purposeful way. Force yourself to immediately banish any thoughts that dwell on past events or any worries about the future. Breathe gently, feel what you are doing. Notice things be aware.

We know when we are with of someone who can be fully present, they give you their undivided attention and it makes you feel like you are the only thing of importance to them at that moment. You sense the fullness of their presence and it draws you in. It can be a most incredible experience.

Try it for yourself. Put your mind where your body is and really listen and observe.

You’ll find that you notice things in your body and around you and your interactions will become deeper and more meaningful. It isn’t difficult to do, but it does take practice because our minds are easily pulled away into the past and future. But the time is now and now is where life is happening.

Stop “running” through life, unaware and distracted and start “walking”. Be connected and with yourself instead. Let go of the distractions and constant mind chatter that keeps you from being fully aware, and you will start to live life more fully with ease and simplicity.