Your boss wants you to work late, your kids want help with their school project, you’ve been invited to a party or function you don’t even want to go to, you’ve been asked to be on a committee, to help at the school fete and the list goes on.
So do you say yes and be the model employee, partner, parent, friend or do you draw the line and do what’s best for you.
Saying NO these days seems harder and harder to do. And there are times when saying yes seems the easiest way out.
Why are two little letters so hard to say? What is it that makes us say yes when we really don’t want to?
The increased responsibilities and demands of life, the pressure to please people and be everything to everyone.
Not wanting to appear selfish.
The need to be liked and popular.
The need to be needed.
The lack of courage, confidence and fortitude.
The lack of self-worth.
Not listening to our body and overriding what we feel.
I remember growing up, how I’d always do everything and anything for everyone. Good old Rachel just ask her she’ll do it for you. Most the time I didn’t mind, I’m a naturally generous person but I found the more I said yes to others the more I had to say no to me and you know what that just didn’t feel right so I learnt to say no.
Not out of selfishness or a lack of care but in a considered way, especially if a yes would be at my expense or if it meant the other person missed the opportunity to learn something about themselves if I pandered to their needs.
But where does nice end and being a pushover begin?
The most obvious sign ~ Saying yes makes you feel bad.
Read your body and listen to it. You say yes and then you feel your stomach drop or your heart race, or you get anxious and wonder how you’ll ever get it done. You say yes then feel resentful or irritated. These are signs you really wanted to say no but said yes because you felt you had to and not because you felt to.
Avoid the quick ‘yes’ you don’t mean ~ stop, take a moment, breathe, and ask yourself; Do I have time for this? Do this feel right for me? Why would I be saying yes, is there a need or an attachment to the outcome?
Saying no is a learned skill ~ just practice saying it, honestly, from the signals your body is sending.
Skip the excuses. Be true to yourself and all others.
Start by saying the no part.
It is very empowering to lead with No. You’ve taken a stand, stick to your guns.
It can be done gently and politely. If you say no honestly the other person hears it and feels it too.
The more you get comfortable with saying no, the more you get to know when and how to make the most of this powerful two-letter word.
There are times when NO is the most healing, empowering and loving word to say.