Throughout my life I have always felt that things didn’t quite add up, that there had to be more to it than you are born, you live, you die and that’s it. It seems to me to be a whole lot of effort to put in if that’s all there is.
As a young child I felt very connected to all that was around me, sensitive to what I felt or sensed and knew there was more than only that which I could tangibly touch or experience with my other senses. Life seemed so much grander and more expansive and I loved the feeling of being a part of it all.
Growing older it was like I turned down this ability, as often the harshness of the world was too much to bear and for me it was easier to dull it down with food, sport, studying and being more in my thoughts and less in my feelings. This coping mechanism served me well up to a point, even though I was aware that it wasn’t the answer I invested heavily in it so as to not acknowledge that I was a delicate and fragile soul who knew there was more than meets the eye. In fact I became very good at pretending that life was just what my five senses and my intellect told me, yet the angst and tension of not living what was naturally there as a child gnawed away at me like a termite with a voracious appetite munching through wood.
All the while the tension would surface reminding me that I was so much more than this automaton I had created. To achieve this I would push and drive myself harder at work and in sport, would eat massive volumes of food and drink coffee and alcohol like it was going out of fashion. Yet as time went on it seemed there was nothing I could do to stop that feeling that something wasn’t right, something was missing.
I started to explore this feeling and in this began my quest for answers, for something that would bring relief . . . But everything I tried from yoga to meditation, self-help books and so forth didn’t touch the sides and just left me feeling more lost and furious that the world wasn’t right.
Everything changed when I met Serge Benhayon the founder of Universal Medicine in 2004 at a workshop where he presented about life being all about energy, that we are all more than physical beings and that we are in fact innately Divine. He spoke of things that I knew to be true yet couldn’t quite grasp as first with my mind, but what I felt in my body resonated so strongly I simply had to admit that this was it – And that I had known this all along, that the termite-like gnawing angst was simply a reminder that I wasn’t living true to what I knew.
Through working with Serge Benhayon I have been able to redevelop more of how I was as a child, honouring that I feel very connected to all that is around me, am sensitive to what I feel or sense and know there is more than only that which I can tangibly touch or experience with my other senses.
Life is so much grander and more expansive and I love the feeling of being a part of it all.